Crude and Prude I spent most of the morning washing my hands. By the time I had finished they were as red as a blushing virgin ordering a medium rare steak from a busty waitress at Hooters. The reason I washed my hands so much was because I had a fear of being contaminated, which alone would keep me virginal. Not that being a virgin was bad, but it seemed like I was the only one. Most of my friends had “popped their cherries” halfway through high school, labeling me the prude of the group.Crude and Prude by Dr-Vergissmeinnicht
I was not a prude. I just wasn’t interested in having sex with most of the students that went to my school. The “swag” that seemed to constantly leak from the manboys made me want to glue my clothes to my body, rather than throw them off. There was only one boy that I had ever considered sleeping with, but he turned out to be gay. Typical.
Before I went off to college, I had promised my small group of friends that I wouldn’t graduate
The Naked Man Visits Censura A strange thing happened in Censura. A lonely man had walked into the tiny town, naked, and asked for directions to the sea. His stark-naked body was met with screams from women and angry protests from men. Before he had managed to reach the center of the town, he was surrounded, on all fronts, by a fuming mob. “Where is the sea?” he asked calmly, not seeming to notice as his hands were tied behind his back.The Naked Man Visits Censura by Dr-Vergissmeinnicht
“What is the meaning of this?” A town official questioned him.
“I do not know what you mean.” The man responded in a soft voice.
“Just look at you!” the official spat as he took a blanket from a nearby woman. “I want you to wrap this around yourself.”
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Horror Review: The HuntersThis is the kind of movie where the director has cast himself as the lead. If you haven't caught my drift yet, I'm surprised. Unless you are Quentin Tarantino or an A-list celebrity the masses will pay to see, you can't have a successful movie when you cast yourself as the main character. I mean what is your main focus, being a star or directing the movie?Horror Review: The Hunters by Dr-Vergissmeinnicht
I rented this movie off of FearNet because after reading the description, I didn't really think it was worth paying for. The first thing I want to say is the description of the movie and the actual movie were two different plots. The description said the movie was going to be about teens going to a fort filled with killer psycho-paths and "partying" before they went off for college. The actual movie was about a detective who went to the fort to find one of his charges. Whoever works as the writer of the movie descriptions should be fired.
The actual plot is about an ex-military guy named Le Saint, from France who has been working as
Movie Review: Les MiserablesThis may be a sore topic for many people, but I couldn't really care less. The movie version of Les Misérables was in my opinion very poorly done. I have to agree with Adam Lambert when he said that "Actors pretended to be singers." I have been a part of five musicals (One of them being Les Misérables) and have seen six musicals on broadway. With the exception of Anne Hathaway (Fantine) Samantha Barks (Éponine) and Aaron Tveit (Enjolras) The singing was rather poor. (Yes, I am talking about Hugh Jackman as well, his performance was not up to par) I just wish they had spent more time on the vocals, it is a musical and if you are going to make a musical into a movie and keep it in rock-opera format, singing is a key factor.Movie Review: Les Miserables by Dr-Vergissmeinnicht
This film was directed by Tom Hooper who directed The King's Speech. I think he is a wonderful director and the cinematography was great. The acting was great, but the singing was terrible. I think they should have stayed away from doing a live track, I agree it showe
Horror Review: Are You Scared?Are You Scared (2006) must be one of the most unoriginal horror movies I have ever watched. You could find better entertainment watching someone pick their anus. I'll give you an overview; Six teens find themselves trapped in an abandoned warehouse/factory. (I've never seen this scenario before) In order to survive they have to play a "game" (Sounds familiar) The teens quickly learn they are in danger and not involved in the reality tv show they signed up for. One by one they start dying off and blah blah blah. We all know the plot. I call it the "Trapped in an Abandoned building" genre. If you have seen one of these movies, you have seen them all.Horror Review: Are You Scared? by Dr-Vergissmeinnicht
Let's start off with the characters: We are introduced to one semi-long haired hippie boy, an annoying bushy eye-browed girl who thinks she's in charge, a black guy whose only purpose is to serve at the comedic relief (we'll get to that in a moment) a set of twins, one boy one girl and a random chick who serves no purpose at all other than t
Basic Grammar GuideThis guide is not going to cover everything, but it will cover the basics.Basic Grammar Guide by Dr-Vergissmeinnicht
What makes up a sentence?
Adjectives Are words that describe a noun.
He held a Red flower.
The Fat Dolphin.
Adverbs Used to modify a word. (Often ends in -ly)
Conjunctions Are words that join the sentence together. (And, but, or, yet, for, so)
Do you want a cookie or a cracker?
Interjections! Exclaim, protest or command.
Wow! I won!
Oh, you shouldn't have.
Nouns Person, Place or Thing
Girls, cake, orange, bridge, Los Angeles, Tokyo, Helen, Mark
Pronouns Refers to a noun
They, he, she
Prepositions These are words that describe the relationship between other words in a sentence. (about, in,
Writing Tip One: Write For YourselfI started writing when I was in the first grade because I was really interested in creating my own stories. I was a huge fan of the magic tree house series and was fascinated how a person could come up with such a great story. I began writing because I wanted to, I wanted the ability to create a story and share it with others.Writing Tip One: Write For Yourself by Dr-Vergissmeinnicht
So this is where tip # 1 comes in. You should never write a story because someone tells you to. (This isn't easy to say for school essays/work so we'll exclude that from this conversation.) You should never feel pressured into writing something because that's when we run into the trouble with writers block and whatever else lives along side.
I'm going to be blunt....I could give a crap about whether or not you think your writing is good enough or if you don't think you have good ideas. In the long run none of that matters as long as you write what you want and when you want.
I came to Deviant Art with the mind-set "I have to write a lot of stuff and submit as muc
Writing Tip Two: MistakesI cannot stress this enough. As a writer you are expected to make mistakes and it is okay.Writing Tip Two: Mistakes by Dr-Vergissmeinnicht
I hang around a lot of writing chatrooms and one of the biggest issues I see is "I don't want to submit anything because I am not good at grammar or I have a lot of spelling mistakes or I don't know where the comma goes." Having an issue with this quite frankly pisses me off. I am a firm believer of the story/idea over the grammar and spelling. One can argue that poor grammar and spelling leads to bad flow and nag nag nag, but I'd rather read a great story on here with multiple errors rather and a mediocre story with no errors.
I believe that a writer should be able to submit a story they are proud of regardless of how many mistakes it may have and still get the feedback they deserve. A day to day submission should not be revolved around perfection rather the creation aspect.
When a writer is more focused on grammar and spelling, they are more likely to be tuned out of their actual story.
Writing Tip Three: A Day With Your CharacterYou're going get some weird looks for this one. You're welcome <3Writing Tip Three: A Day With Your Character by Dr-Vergissmeinnicht
I'm going to be completely honest with you the only way you're going to learn how to develop great characters is by knowing them inside and out. The only way you're going to be able to do this is by acting like your characters are real. I am not talking about OC's or role playing characters, I am talking about your characters from your short stories or chapters Take your characters to the movies, the grocery store, the amusement park or your best friends house. I want you to imagine what they would say or how they would behave.
You don't have to talk out loud to your characters, but talk with them in your mind. Have conversations with them. React to their behaviors and things they say
I dislike asking what a character is like and having someone reply with generic character descriptions and personalities.
If I say, "Can you please describe your character to me?" I better not get, "She has blue eyes, blond
Writing Tip Four: Act as if everyone knowsAlright so I have been hanging out in the Literature forums for a few weeks now and have been noticing the same types of questions being asked.Writing Tip Four: Act as if everyone knows by Dr-Vergissmeinnicht
"How do I write an evil character?"
"How do I write lesbians?"
"How do I write bitches?"
"How do I write different personalities?"
All I have to say is that there is no way you are going to know how to write characteristics or personalities unless you know your character inside and out. In my previous tip, I talked about spending a day with your character as if they were a real person. Now we are going to get a lot more personal. I call this exercise "Pretend everyone knows"
Here is how it works. Think of a scenario which has the potential to make people judge you. It can be anything, you slept with a lot of people, you murdered someone, you kissed someone of the same sex, you robbed your grandma. After you come up with this scenario pretend that you actually did it and act like everyone around you knows. Every time
Writing Tip Five: Writers Block and Other ShizzI do not believe in writers block. Why? you ask? Because it's a way of blaming something for your inability to write. You have to be able to take responsibility with your writing.Writing Tip Five: Writers Block and Other Shizz by Dr-Vergissmeinnicht
if you get "stuck" here are some question to ask yourself.
"What is this story about?"
"Where do I want this story to go?"
"How does it end?"
"Have I sat down and written an outline?"
"How many drafts have I done?"
"Do I know my plot inside and out?"
I could go on and on, but if you ask yourself some of the questions from the above list you should not have plot holes or a weak story.
When writing a story it is important to note that names of characters, cities, kingdoms and the brand of oatmeal you eat is not important to the story's plot. You can always go back and change a name, it is not written in stone.
"Can I write about something i'm not familiar with?"
No, Do not write about something unless you have thoroughly researched and read about it. I do not want to read a story about WW II from someone who go
Counting the Ringsi
ControlThe feeling came over Bill when he was out checking his trap line in the dying light of a winter evening. Eyes on the back of his head. He knew the wary scrutiny of the deer and the hungry yet restrained gaze of the wolf. This didn't feel like either. It didn't belong to this place any more than he did. He would have preferred the wolf.
Mollie's Ribbons I grew up in a small town just a few dozen miles from the closest water sourcea slowly shrinking aquifer that squatted underneath the seat of Thompson County, our neighborly border. Fortunately, we hadn't yet been quite as devastated by our annual droughts as those in Oklahoma and Texas. Rumors would occasionally drift in with a tumbleweed traveler about how bad the deep South had dried up into nothing but an old dusty lake bed, but these flashes of news were too few and too far between to be counted on as up to date or even true.
Empty GardensIt was a wine-petaled pansy
MotherhoodI am a shrill mother, sometimes cruel mother
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BIG BROTHERS BIG SISTERS
A new piece of Chuck for the hatersThis is some genius-level info here, regardless of writing level, please read it. It applies to you.raspil
“Those writers you think are masters of the craft aren’t created that way. They aren’t supernaturally capable ninja writer-bots. When you read the work of a writer operating at the top of her game, you’re not seeing all the years of failed efforts, of work that wasn’t quite right, of work that was well-intentioned or built off of strong ideas but had slick and wobbly legs like a newborn fawn.
You see the author operating at a high level and you wonder: why am I not doing that?
The reality is:
You’re only seeing the island, not the heap of volcanic material that pushed it out of the sea.”
— Chuck Wendig - "Polling Your Intestinal Flora: How A Writer Cultivates Instinct
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If you have any questions regarding writing, send me a note. If you need critiques, I would suggest submitting to the GrammarNaziCritiques group, we are very nice there, I promise!
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Books You Should Read
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys
Heartsick by Chelsea Cain
Dead Witch Walking by Kim Harrison
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