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by Anzelya

First and foremost, I like that you begin with a quote. “If you spent half the time you spend on pondering over right and wrong on elim...


On Behalf of :icongrammarnazicritiques: First Impressions You do a really nice job of grasping the readers attention. This is one of the few stories i've read o...


This was a very cute story. To start off, In the first paragraph you say, "Unfortunately for me, my..." I think it would flow better if...


This piece has a very nice flow to it; I quite enjoyed the fact that you were able to say a lot with your poem without having to make i...


The first thing that came to mind after reading this was how it was it was like two poems in one. I felt like I could take out the seco...


I like how you describe the cloak as a way to protect yourself from people and them seeing your "broken sanity" the description is real...

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Counting the Ringsi
near my sick bed
he murmurs of how he's crumbling
but I'm still here
I've fought so long, I'm here
for a while I trust
I believe this, I must
even when it's bad, because
his faith alone is not enough
my random thoughts of how long
I have, and his thoughts of
"will she be able to outlive me" -
even at moments like this
it happens that
we hold on and speak of a future
ii
rolling restless this early morn'
you exhausted and I
drying up from a virus
spying through the shredding
of 250-thread count bedding,
between the hillocks of your shoulders
we never can sleep
in anticipation for what's to come
to plant the seed and watch it grow
though we will never see it bloom
for all the other things we know
and live beyond that fertile past
of what we did and what we'll do
as sleep will still not come to us
close apart, we dare not fall
from the tree that burns in season
counting the rings of our poetry
iii
the moon has set,
I wake in the dark
to the rush of wind
I hear him rinsing off
in the basi
ControlThe feeling came over Bill when he was out checking his trap line in the dying light of a winter evening. Eyes on the back of his head. He knew the wary scrutiny of the deer and the hungry yet restrained gaze of the wolf. This didn't feel like either. It didn't belong to this place any more than he did. He would have preferred the wolf.
He turned around, shook his gun at the reddening sky, and cupped his other hand to his mouth. "I know you're out there! This is private property! I don't wanna use this, but you'll leave me no choice if I catch you hanging around here!"
A soft rustle from somewhere deep enough that the trees obscured his vision. He waited until he felt he was alone again, then trudged through the snow to see what he could learn about the intruder. There were prints made by boots similar to his, though smaller. The thought that he outweighed whoever it was offered little comfort.
He cast one last disgusted look in the direction the tracks took as they moved away, then re
Mollie's Ribbons     I grew up in a small town just a few dozen miles from the closest water source—a slowly shrinking aquifer that squatted underneath the seat of Thompson County, our neighborly border. Fortunately, we hadn't yet been quite as devastated by our annual droughts as those in Oklahoma and Texas. Rumors would occasionally drift in with a tumbleweed traveler about how bad the deep South had dried up into nothing but an old dusty lake bed, but these flashes of news were too few and too far between to be counted on as up to date or even true.
     Once, I heard one of my distant cousins, a boy by the name of Harold, was said to have been caught up in a barn somewhere in Oklahoma during a storm where only the dirt blows—the dust and dirt block out the sun and the air until you get blown away with it. Apparently, poor old Harold had been caught up in that barn for so long (five days according to old Miss Harris) he eventually just smo
Long Time ComingMonday morning. Early, so early he can see his breath, has to wipe the liquid haze from the prefab's kitchenette window in order to even see out in to the carpark. But then this was how to get ahead, wasn't it. How to impress the boss, make your mark, all this working extra, working around the clock. So reliable and loyal and dutiful.
He glances up, peers at the white plastic dial ticking away above the doorjamb. Quarter to: Frank's due in by seven. In theory anyway. He flicks off the warmly ticking coffee machine, takes the steamed milk and teaspoons it out carefully across the caramel-hued crema, makes a fern shape on Frank's. A nice little personal touch. A sign hopefully of an employee doing more than the strictly necessary, a sign of an employee willing to go the extra mile.
At least this way, maybe he'd get one up on Michael, for once. Now wouldn't that be something. He can picture Michael's face now, the ugly fusion of fury and fear, deposed at last from his slimy throne, c
Empty GardensIt was a wine-petaled pansy
that my mother pruned from the garden box;
it reminded me
that I had blossomed late and wilted.
At fourteen I created pansy petals of my own,
waking up with hot-fisted cramps
and the proof I was a woman.
I was not a rose, perennial,
as I went from blooming monthly
to not at all.
I would rather spend a day
curled up like the fetus I may never carry
than flat on my back wondering
why God allowed worse women than me
to bear children.
Wanderer I by MarkusOskarsson MotherhoodI am a shrill mother, sometimes cruel mother
Thumping the bible of maternal knowledge;
If a mother were ever to eat her young
I can assure you it would be out of love
Digesting sorrow with the bone and sinew.
Communications 101Manning the phones at a crisis hotline was the only job I could get with my degree in communications.  I hadn’t worked since graduation.  Whenever I got a call from someone lamenting a decision they’d made, it was all I could do to keep from telling them they didn’t know what regret was.  
However, from midnight to eight in the morning three days a week, it wasn’t about me.  I had to keep people alive with my words.  No pressure.  
My line blinked.  I picked up.
“Hello, this is Brian.”
Silence at first.  Fairly typical.
“Hello?”
Muffled giggles and a click.  Also fairly typical.
I felt like I’d been punked by my high school guidance counselor.
Blink.
“Hello, this is Brian.”
“Hello?”
“Yes, I’m here.  Is there something on your mind tonight?” I asked.  
“Something on my mind and your name spelled backwards is ‘brain’.”  They hung up.
I had forty grand in student loans.

Horror Films I Like

I'm A Ringer by PsychoSlaughterman I'm A Grudge Holder by PsychoSlaughterman I'm In Love With It by PsychoSlaughterman I'm A JigSaw Apprentice by PsychoSlaughterman I'm A Hannibal Aficionado by PsychoSlaughterman I'm A Jason Junkie by PsychoSlaughterman I'm Psycho For Norman by PsychoSlaughterman I'm A LeatherFace Lover by PsychoSlaughterman

Friends

Visitors

First and foremost, I want to begin by saying that this was one of the hardest contests I've ever had the pleasure of judging. I was impressed with every single piece and it was very difficult choosing the winners. I believe that each and every one of you did an outstanding job with the prompt and really came up with some creative pieces. 

Judging Criteria 
Creative Use of Prompt (10)
Grammar and Spelling (10)
Use of Words (20)
Overall Impact (10)

*Note: The Grammar and Spelling category did not greatly influence the results. i.e. The use of capitalization and certain punctuation was left to the preference of the author. 
**Note: Judging was not based on personal relatability or preference, but overall creativity and Impact. 

In First Place
"allegiance" 
by StormsAndSwallows
allegianceHis mud-caked fingers brushed the tears from the orphan's face,  gunfire silenced.

:bulletpink:Prizes
500 points
Journal feature
Critique of their choice
llama badge

In Second Place
"(creases in my Ivory bones)" 
by Fragments-of-a-Pawn 
(creases in my ivory bones)you find
my origami swanfolds
with eyes shut,
and i yours


:bulletpink:Prizes
300 points 
Journal feature
Critique of their choice
llama badge

Honorable Mentions 
The Only ForceThe Only Force
Love; noun: the only force capable of reaching across two closet doors
  SimpleSimple
24-03-14
Simple love;
a warm blanket, your dog,
and a cup of chocolate.
  CaitlinLike Escher's hands,
You and I
Fashion one another,
Lovingly,
Into being.

The Fault In Our Stars"Okay." became our "I love you."  His MistakeHe bought flowers for our date, but left them at his girlfriend’s.  PrincessItty bitty toes in black combat boots,
her giggles fill the house.


:bulletpink:Prize 
50 Points 

Please take the time to read all of the submission, as all of them were fantastic!
knightsofromance.deviantart.co…

Thank you so much for all who participated! 
We've all come across those poorly written and overly emotional stories or poems that get 10,000+ favorites just because they are "relatable". These stories lack organization, grammar, proper punctuation, and are filled with run on sentences. It seems to me that new writers only care about their story being relatable. They do not care about the quality of it. 

So what does having relatable characters even mean? Because most of the time the "relatable" characters these people come up with are mundane and seem to have everything from depression to the black plague. Why are only depressed characters relatable? Why do these characters have to have 1000+ things wrong with them? Why are so many people being tricked into thinking what they reading is good? 

Is this what happens when we focus more on the characters than the actual story? Are people mistaking relatability with good writing? 

Discuss. 

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Dr-Vergissmeinnicht
Totes Poppin' Fresh
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
My Favorite Series
Black Dagger Brotherhood by J.R. Ward
Dark-Hunter by Sherrilyn Kenyon
Immortals After Dark by Kresley Cole
Demonica by Larissa Ione
The Hollows by Kim Harrison
Fever by Karen Marie Moning
Lords of Deliverance by Larissa Ione
Lords of the Underworld by Gena Showalter
If you have any questions regarding writing, send me a note. If you need critiques, I would suggest submitting to the GrammarNaziCritiques group, we are very nice there, I promise!

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Books You Should Read
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys
Heartsick by Chelsea Cain
Dead Witch Walking by Kim Harrison
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How do you feel about snow? 

33%
16 deviants said Love it.
22%
11 deviants said It's okay.
18%
9 deviants said Hate it.
10%
5 deviants said I have no opinion.
10%
5 deviants said Cats.
4%
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2%
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Comments


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:iconmalawika:
malawika 1 day ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the fav :)
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:iconbeingstoned:
beingstoned 5 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank You!
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:iconvaruncreations:
VarunCreations 5 days ago  Professional Digital Artist
thanks for the fave :)
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:iconmalawika:
malawika 5 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :))
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:iconjtp2013:
JTP2013 5 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for the fave
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:icontablelander:
tablelander 5 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the Llama and one returned
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:icontablelander:
tablelander 5 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the mirrored lake fave
Reply
:iconvinsky2002:
... thank you for the support and FAV .. . :love: ...
Reply
:iconirenaireen:
Thanks for adding my photo to your collection :)
Reply
:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot 5 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the devWatch :D
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